I slammed the brakes on. As my speed decreased I felt the ABS anti-lock braking system operate (the brake pedal pulses under your foot). I stopped before I reached the other car.

I’m extremely pleased that my car has a number of technology features which helped in this case. The most important is Emergency Brake Assist (EBA). From the Wikipedia:

“Research conducted in 1992 at the Mercedes-Benz driving simulator in Berlin revealed that more than 90% of drivers fail to brake with enough force in emergency situations.”

It seems that most people just apply ‘more than the usual amount’ of pressure on the brake pedal, rather than ‘as much as possible’.

The EBA system monitors the acceleration of the brake pedal, and when the pedal is suddenly pressed swings in to action by applying the maximum amount of brake force.

This will eventually activate the ABS, as the front wheels loose grip, depending on the state of the road surface and the amount of friction available.

As well as this, the hazard warning lights are automatically switched on to warn any following traffic that the car has slowed dramatically.

I’m really pleased that my car has so much hidden technology. Even though it may never be used throughout the lifetime of the car, it’s massively reassuring to know it’s there when you need it.

Previously on Twin Peaks, the battery had become completely flat, mainly due to a complete lack of driving activity. I have been in the habit of taking it out for a drive every month or so to keep everything in working order and the battery topped up. Unfortunately, it was a bit longer than usual between drives, and when I went to open the car recently the battery was completely exhausted.

On the C43 AMG the battery is in the boot, partly to improve the balance of the car, but mainly because there’s no room left under the bonnet once you’ve squeezed a 4.3 litre V8 in there. Normally in this situation I’d pop open the boot using the special button on the key-fob and attach the battery charging device directly to the battery, leave overnight and try again in the morning.

However, in this instance, because the battery was completely without life, none of the buttons on the key-fob were functioning. I reverted to backup manual procedures and used the key to open the driver’s door. There is a switch on the centre console which opens the boot remotely, but unfortunately it’s electrically operated. It is at this point that I discovered that the manual lock on the boot lid was corroded beyond the point where it could be operated. Boo!

I spoke to the always excellent George Fraser, who revealed that under the bonnet on the passenger side, near the bonnet hinge there is a small black plastic cover which, when opened, reveals a fairly substantial electrical connection to the battery. Hurrah!

I connected the battery charger and was then able to use the interior switch to open the boot. Unfortunately, the alarm siren was also activated, so I removed the charger. Now the boot was open, I re-attached the charger directly to the battery and turned it on. Although the alarm siren was re-activated, I was assured by the owners handbook that opening the car using the key-fob control would silence it. That turned out to be a lie. The handbook also mentions that putting the key in the ignition and turning the ignition on will silence the alarm. That also turned out to be a lie.

So, with desperate measures called for, I jump started the Beast from the Xantia. I’m extremely pleased (as are my neighbours) to say that the alarm eventually fell silent. In retrospect, I suspect that the alarm sounds for 30 seconds and then resets, and until I started the car it hadn’t been on for 30 seconds consecutively.

Having successfully started the Beast, the only thing to do then was take it out for a drive. So, just a quickie, about 30 miles or so. Now I’ve re-attached the charger and will try it again tomorrow.

Later…

I drove the Beast in to work today and it was fine. I pumped up the tyres (the fronts were down about 5 pounds, the rears somewhat more) and filled up with fuel. I’d forgotten how much fun it is to drive! You can fairly fling it around corners with no problem. And there is always a mountain of torque on hand. Driving at 70 in the Beast feels like 40 in most other cars. 70 is not even half v_max (it’s electronically limited to 155mph or 250kph) and it feels like it just wants to leap ahead all the time. You have to be very restrained to keep at 70

So, now I need to get it serviced and MOT’d (what a strange expression – “I’d like a Ministry Of Transport for my car please”). Then it’s ready for a new owner

In no particular order:

• the cigarette lighter socket is underneath the handbrake, which means it’s difficult to plug in to and so far from the windscreen that you can’t use a satnav unit without an extension lead.
• The gearbox is amazingly clunky. Thinking back to previous Vauxhalls I’ve driven, they’ve all had clunky gearboxes, and using those as a base line, the Zafira is actually an improvement. Maybe driving the Nissan Qashqai has just spoiled me
• The indicator stalk is annoying. It doesn’t stick – the stalk always returns to the central position. If you move it up or down to the first ‘click’, you get 3 flashes of the indicators. If you move it up or down to the second click the indicators flash until you flick the stalk the other way, or you finish turning a corner. Whilst this sounds fine in theory, in practice you find that sometimes you only get to the first click when you think you’ve got to the second and then when you go to cancel the indicators what you actually do is start them on the opposite side. And if you try and cancel those, you get them on the original side again. Which is extremely frustrating. I have seen Vauhall cars before indicating one side then the other, then the first side again on more than one occasion
• The wiper control is similarly annoying for the same reason.

How depressing must it be to be any kind of designer for the Zafira? “We’re trying to design a vehicle whose main quality is ‘mediocrity’”.

In contrast, the Ford Mondeo was a marvellous car The indicator stalk works exactly as you expect it to, the cigarette lighter is in an ash tray in the dash, ideally positioned for satnav use, and the gearbox was a delight to use. Huge numbers of extra points were scored for having a very effective cruise control, an electrically heated windscreen and a 2 litre engine. Because it’s a saloon car, the aerodynamics at the back of the car mean that above about 30 mph the rear screen is kept clean of rain and road spray, in contradistinction to the Zafira which has a much more vertical rear window which becomes dirty at all speeds.

Now that I’ve driven the Mondeo, I’d like to revise my opinion of the Zafira – it’s just rubbish. I appreciate that these two cars are aimed at very different market segments, but the Mondeo gets pretty much everything spot on – it feels like a high quality product and it’s a joy to drive, whilst the Zafira is just disappointing in so many ways.

In summary:

Vauxhall: Boo!

Ford: Hurrah!

Built in 1998, this is a C-class Mercedes-Benz with what can only be described as a ludicrously large engine. A 4.3 litre V8. The specs are 302bhp and 302lb/ft torque, and a 0-60 time of 5.8 seconds.

I’m pleased to say that the brakes are uprated by AMG to match the awe inspiring power of the engine.

With about 107,000 miles on the clock, it’s nicely run-in

The engine is so large, the battery had to be put in the boot

With 12 month’s tax and MOT, it’s a total bargain at GBP8000. Email me on benz[at]dr-jan[dot]com if you’re interested.

It looks very kewl. Every time I read the phrase ‘Citroen C-Crosser’ the voice in my head pronounces it as ‘Citroen Cross Dresser’. Which is unfortunate

Is it just me?

So, I’m thrilled to announce that I’ve just bought a new car It is, naturally, a Citroen. This time though, I thought I’d go for something newer and more marvellous. So, I’m now the proud owner of a Citroen Xantia V6 Exclusive Mk. II

In fact, it’s astonishingly similar to the previous model. The paintwork is the same green, but the leather interior is tan rather than black, and there’s an electrically operated sunroof. The main improvements for the Mk. II (I don’t know if that’s what it was called officially, but it’s the very last model Xantia produced) are rain-sensing intermittent wipers, headlamp washers and heated front seats. There are some minor changes inside – some of the switches have moved and the stereo is newer.

So, given that I’m carrying on in the tradition of high-technology cars, I thought I might do some posts about some of the different technologies that go into the Xantia. So, there’s something to look forward to

I’m pleased to say I was flying business class from Bucharest to Heathrow, because that was the only kind of ticket left when I booked. Damn, I hate it when that happens

The Falkirk Wheel was fabulous. I’ve been there several times before, but I’m still struck by what a magnificent piece of engineering it is every time I go back. This time, for the first time, we went on a boat ‘through’ the wheel and back. Well worth doing

The Celtic Tiger was OK, I can see it will go down a storm with American audiences.

The Brunswick hotel was a bit of a disappointment. I’ve been several times before and it was all rather fabulous with vair funky designer rooms and interesting decor all around. Unfortunately it hasn’t worn well, and is all looking a bit sad and dilapidated around the edges now, which is a shame.

Stirling castle was very expensive (8.50 each to get in), but it was rather good. Lots of the buildings have been restored and are very impressive. The restoration work continues, and it will be interesting to return when the King and Queen’s bed chambers have been finished. There’s quite a lot to see – we rented the audio guide, which was very interesting.

Duck Bay on Loch Lomond was fantastic – gorgeous views over the loch, and good, reasonably priced nosh with excellent service. A brilliant end to the weekend

I was also impressed by the Glasgow Airport Express by Holiday Inn. I haven’t tried an ‘Express’ before, but it was good – much cheaper than the advertised price and breakfast is included. All in all, a pleasant surprise.

Finally, a quick word about our hire car, a Volkswagen Passat 2.0 Diesel. An excellent car, with some interesting features. The electrically controlled handbrake was fun. VW manage to squeeze six forward speeds into the automatic gearbox, which means you’re never really short of oomph

A good sized car for 4 people which was very pleasant to drive.

The Mercedes Benz C43 AMG is currently on eBay.

The Citroen Xantia V6 is still being used as my daily drive. I thought earlier in the week that I was going to have a bit of a Xantia upgrade, but in the end decided against it.

Ian has a very clean Xantia V6, black with beige leather interior. It’s a year later than mine (S reg) which means it’s the later model with headlamp washers and heated seats. Having driven it on Monday night, I was pretty convinced and agreed to buy it. The asking price was £3000.00. However, Ian was willing to buy my Xantia for £500.00.

Having had some time to think about it, I came to the conclusion that I really couldn’t afford to spend that much money on upgrading my car, especially as I’ve only recently spent a lot keeping my one on the road.

So, no car upgrade after all, but a much happier bank balance

• Flew back from Bucharest in Romania
• Went to the leaving do for Payam, Hans and Ben
• Drove to Nottingham
• Took my parents to EMA – East Midlands (Nottingham) airport
• Flew with my parents and Ruth (of course) to Glasgow
• Went on a boat trip through the Falkirk Wheel
• Saw Michael Flatley doing Celtic Tiger at the SECC
• Had a massive dinner at Frankie and Benny’s
• Did big sleeping at the Brunswick Hotel
• Schlepped round Stirling Castle
• Drove to Loch Lomond in the rented VW Passat (2 litre diesel)
• Had another massive dinner at Duck Bay over looking the loch
• Got back to the airport to discover the plane had gone technical and the replacement was due in 4 hours
• Spent an unexpected night in the Glasgow Airport Express by Holiday Inn
• Flew back to EMA on a plane called ‘Brummie Baby’. Ahh! (Click Here to view the photo)
• Fixed my parent’s computer
• Drove home
• Went to bed early